I’m surviving; day by day this week. One moment to the next. I feel ca-fuddled. A family friend passed away. It wasn’t expected to be so soon. I feel saddened, especially for her close family. Though, I know she’s probably enjoying the other side with her husband and other relatives, no longer uncomfortable or in pain.
I’m mentally drained. Physically exhausted. If nothing else, I’m still here trying.
It’s been a whole week since my last run. I feel my mind spinning unable to make decisions. I need to run.
Runners like me are a strange breed. I’m not talking about those who run casually, or for pace, time, or distance goals. I don’t mean runners who do it a few days a week to burn calories, or to eat whatever they’d like. This isn’t about running to lose weight, compete, or look pretty in skinny jeans. I absolutely dislike talking paces and times; even though I am proud of new PRs.
I’m talking about runners where running is a part of their innermost being. Runners where their first few runs completely changed their whole life; finally finding somewhere they feel safe, comfortable, relaxed and are able to clear their mind.
I was surprised to found out recently that a fellow teacher I’ve worked with almost three years is a strange runner like me. Let me tell you, it was an amazing conversation we had. We clicked. We got each other with thirty years between us.
We were on the same page; in the thick of it. No one understands us, and we’re okay with it. It’s a part of our souls. She gets it. Gets me. I got her. Crazy.
It’s not about pace, time, or distance. It’s not about competing. It’s about something, something extra special, deeper. It’s hard to explain, but I hope every runner gets to this place.
Though, I envy her savvy about keeping it very quiet and close to home. I wish I were a little more quiet about my joy, love and passion for running. I wish I kept it as a private love, something few knew about. I love to say it’s cheaper than therapy, because it is such an amazing transcendent experience for me. Especially as I’ve learned to run without music.
I’m thankful to have stumbled upon a few souls, hidden or not, where running is much more a part of who they are, not just an intense workout. We don’t discuss paces, distances, or times. We discuss the amazing feeling, the revelations, and our deepest thoughts that have come to the surface on a run.
This is running for me and I am thankful that I have a positive tool to process weeks like this.