As the summer draws to a close, I’ve reflected a lot on what has changed in my life over the past two years. I’ve realized that life is full of ups and downs, and people come and go from your life. I don’t just mean people passing on, but friendships. Chris says I shouldn’t bother writing about this topic, as it is me just sharing dirty laundry. I don’t feel as though it is so much as me just sharing who I am and my experience in life.
For the past seven years, I had friendships that I thought would last forever. I was close with a handful of people whom there is no longer much of a connection. I fondly thinmilesk back to those adventures working together, running together or just talking every day. They really added an extra part to my life.
Sometimes I’m sad about friendships lost. Other times I take a moment to realize the space they opened up for me to make new friends and open my heart to new adventures, like welcoming Miles into my life. We’ve changed, and if we hadn’t then I might be worried about something else.
I realize I’m not always soft around the edges, and I don’t always talk with the cleanest of tongues when I am animated, but I always try to be genuine in my interactions. I may not say the nicest things all the time, but I have always been complimented as being the friend who will give it to you straight.
I’ve never been the girlie girl, the type to have a group of girlfriends to call my own from childhood. I’ve always been the lonesome friend, one who has several friends who don’t know each other. I’m not sure why I expect myself to be any different now, but I guess I do get envious of those groups of people who all have a shared history and keep it going.
I don’t make friends easily, and I have a hard time letting people in. I’m fighting that feeling of shutting down in this moment as I’ve met cool new people with shared passions.
I associate fall with a new beginning, a fresh start, and a time to share lots of love as the holidays approach. I’ll never be that girl with the friend since first grade reaching every milestone together. It’s a little too late for that now… I will try to be okay with that.
Instead, I’m going to be that woman who is always meeting someone new, learning something different, and expanding my circle to include more and more people. If it doesn’t work out, than I’m thankful to have learned a few new ideas and had the friendship for a time.
In the end, what I’ve learned from my mom is that family is what matters most in this world. Family is where those lifelong friendships are dug up, seeded, and sprout longterm growth. I look forward to the day I sit at my sister or sister-in-law’s kitchen table for a cup of tea to talk about the kids, whom are thus out of the house and building their own lives. Just as my mom and her sister do today.
And, if I didn’t mention that Chris is my true best friend, he’d be sad. He is my bestest friend, a BFF if you will, and we are definitely the perfect blendship. This is one friendship that won’t be lost until death do us part, and even then I’ll haunt him.