“Photography calls many, but chooses few.”
It’s been awhile since I’ve felt connected to my camera and photographs. It lost it’s luster and other things like baby guys and running took up that space in my heart. If you’ve been here for awhile, you’ve undoubtedly noticed the change over the years and the direction non-direction of my photography work. I’ve been stagnant, but recently I felt a little flutter in my heart when I picked up my camera to begin again. It’s a beautiful feeling.
The past few weeks, I’ve been chowing down on lots of resources on the Digital Photography School, been inspired by Clickin’ Moms and have been reading my favorite photography bloggers again. At one point, I had no desire to check those feeds and it ballooned to hundreds just waiting to be sifted through. Now, I’ve made it back down to zero and have reorganized my photography bucket of tools mentally and physically to focus my style and my desires going forward.
I’ve sold a lot of equipment over the past two years throughout my growing insecurities becoming a mom. I am not the typical mommy turned photographer. For some time, I believed I was the photographer turned mommy, one who no longer loves the camera. I didn’t know what to do and I had little desire to press forth. After Monkey’s birth and my hormonal fluctuations, I was even terrified to see another newborn for some time for fear of bringing back all of that sadness.
I believe a regular workout schedule has changed so much. I haven’t lifted weights regularly since college in an effort to put running first for many years. Then, after my dad passed five years ago, I gained weight and began a seemingly never ending desire to lose weight, without putting in the effort to truly do so.
Two years ago I finally put in the effort, lost some weight, became blissfully sick pregnant, ballooned during pregnancy and have been battling back to reach my old old normal weight from those college days, post weight-loss in college (about 20 pounds from where I stand today). I’ve lost over 40lbs and will reach for my goals.
Maybe this ridiculously long foot injury is a sign that hey, I should get back to my old college days when I picked things up and put them down, ran for enjoyment and ate particularly well much to the chagrin to those around me. My mom had a nickname for me back then, one I cannot share here, but will if you ask me in person. I’d like to hear her say it to me again in the future, then I know I’m back to my normal.
I never know what the future will hold, but I am always thankful for these moments of change, clarity, and enjoyment. I cannot wait to produce beautiful images that tell the story of our lives together, my healthy journey, and share my passions for food and books. I love my iPod and will always use it, but there is far more I have to offer that just needs to come out…
I hope you’ll continue to support me on my journey. I have never ending goals for myself in so many areas of life. Regardless if I ever reach them all, I know just in trying, that I am bettering myself to offer more to my family, and my baby guy.
A better me is better for everyone.
It looks like I’m not alone. I’ve got cooler things to do, haha.