I’ve been thinking a lot about my goals and purpose this year, but even more this past week. What am I trying to achieve in this world and what do I want to leave behind?
My gut reaction to reading this question was that fear stands in the way of my biggest goal. When I feel I might be getting close, I fall apart physically or mentally. I’m afraid of what reaching that goal means for me and what will happen when I get there.
By identifying my fears, I can quiet them down and ask them to leave.
For several months now, I’ve been afraid to run five miles or more. Last spring, I was running 11 miles and became injured beyond any understanding. It took me six months to figure out the problem, which still persists today.
I’m afraid to feel that again.
And I’m afraid to fail as I did before.
On Saturday, I decided to let go of my fear. I accepted it, let my mind feel it, and then emptied it out. I chose to think of the 5 miles ahead of me as an opportunity to meditate. Running is my medicine.
A five mile meditative run.
When I finished the 5 miles, I felt wonderful. I wasn’t tired, sore, or in pain. I haven’t felt like that in years. My mind was calm, relaxed, and let in so much love. The following words came to mind while running:
In the hours that followed, I realized that every long run is an opportunity to meditate on life. It’s not a time to feel guilty for not being at home, but a chance to open myself up to all the world has to offer.
When I got home that day, I wasn’t grumpy, tired, cranky, or emotionally grieving. I felt alive, bright, and energized to spend the afternoon around great people and give my calmest love to Miles despite his contrary terrible-twosy stage.
Every long run is now a time to quiet my mind and meditate.
I’m thankful I put this into practice, because now I’m no longer afraid; I will reach my goal.
– kn –