Falling back into old habits.

As I write this, I’m sitting in the dark. If I turn the light on, Monkey will come find me. I’m in that season where he’s very much attached to me and while I love it, sometimes I need a little alone time where there seems to be none.

I don’t seem to be focusing on my own health these days, instead allowing the stress of a new job and old habits cloud my choices. I’ve fallen, seemingly appropriate considering the weather, down. I’m trying to pick up the pieces and find my solid ground again. Who am I? What am I here to do?

My hope is that in another week or so, things begin to come together and the light shines brightly again. In the meantime, I’m going to just keep walking, or stumbling, forward until I find the answers I seek.

Making time for oneself is important. When I don’t, I fall into this space where I feel there may be no way out. I have tried the 5am wake-up calls only to find myself completely exhausted after a workout, a long day at work that includes a lot of current physical labor, and then chasing a toddler in the evening. I have attempted after school workouts to find my plans shifted, never reaching my goals.

Sometimes in life, we let the world take hold of our thoughts and deeds. In those times, we must remember it’s our life to live, not the world’s. Only I have to walk in my shoes, no matter how much I’d love to hand them over to another for awhile so I could sleep and recharge my mental batteries.

It’s time to take back a little more of who I am, be proud of it, and find my niche.

My writing will most likely be sporadic for quite some time until I find that balance between work, family, and personal goals. I have high hopes for the coming year, and if you know me, you know I’ll push as hard as I can to get there.

I am thankful for these challenges, while not in the moment, I will find the lesson soon.

Fear. It’s stopped me dead in my tracks.

It’s time to commit to something, to someone… to me. Bring on the cool weather runs, the lifting sessions in the gym, and the fearless moments in work, family, and everywhere else.

And now… Monkey has found me. Off to be a Mommy 🙂

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