There’s nothing like going to the doctor and having them tell you you’ve gained too much weight. She’s right. I have. And I needed a bit of a wake-up about it.
Since September, I’ve been in a state of disbelief, grief, and constant stress. Dreading the 9 to 5 is something I’ve only ever done seriously twice in my life, and one, surprisingly, was at a location just a few miles from where I have been dreading it the past few months. I said I’d never allow that to happen again, and when it did, I struggled to find a new way. Either a new perspective, or a new direction.
Luckily, God listened to my prayers and accepted my commitment to finding a new direction. After I hit what felt like a rock bottom personally in November, I was lifted up weeks later with a new opportunity that finally begins in a few short days.
I’m hopeful that after such darkness comes light. As after my previous dreadful experiences I brushed myself off and rose to the challenge of starting over again anew… much to great experiences I fondly look back on and learned so much from.
I’ve given up the feeling of regret. Wishing I had stayed where I was (I loved the people I worked with, but the commute was getting brutal with living in a new area twice the distance away). Regret serves no one well.
Out of struggle comes strength. We learn that when we work out, run long distances, or learn something new. It’s always a struggle to get started, but once we’re on our way, we blossom and grow in ways we couldn’t have imagined.
I’m grateful for the struggle and the amazing people I’ve met and started friendships with, but I’m also very grateful for the opportunity to move on and truly grow as a professional.
So often I hear others tell me they are unhappy, but the thought of starting over again terrifies them. For me, starting over isn’t as hard as living with a constant pit in your stomach; a life that is not fulfilling and one exhausted with stress. I’d rather take a pay cut and take my chances experiencing something new, meeting new people, and growing yet again than staying in a distressing place for fear of the unknown.
Where does this all leave me now?
Well, nervous of course. Will the next chapter be like the last, or will it be filled with longer term success and growth? I believe it will be vastly different and sometimes belief is all one needs. I look forward to getting back to true librarianship and sharing those experiences here as I’ve been truly encouraged to through the support of other amazing professionals.
I dubbed this year the year of the 5k, giving myself a break from constantly pushing myself (and failing) to reach longer running distances. This spring, I will stick to more lifting and just getting back into “my” routine of health and wellness.
We also suffered another setback in the past few weeks, as our beloved Mar-Mar broke both of her arms on a shopping trip out with Miles. That’s been a huge change for our routines and our free time, as Mar was always ready for a Miles visit if we had other plans (i.e. I could use the gym daily after work instead of at 5am!). I also have to *gulp* get up earlier and get Miles ready, since Chris leaves way earlier than Gram is prepared to take him. Quiet mornings and Mar-Mar… you are missed.
Life is full of change, and that’s a good thing. I surely would love to choose a few times in life where I’d be happy to stay in that “state of being” but for the most part, I do enjoy change as I kick and scream my way through it.
And yet again, I am in need of seriously changing my dietary habits. Remember my doctor? In times of stress, I revert to old habits that got me into trouble years ago and I’ve battled ever since. Can you believe, a few weeks ago I bought a five pack box set of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese? I mean, it’s been banned at the White House now. What was I thinking?
It does taste good though. Just like Mom used to make. #amiright
With the wake-up slap in the face from the doctor, knowing it was coming, I am prepared to up my veggie quotient and down my sugar sucking. I’ve lived on milkshakes, cheeses, pastas, and junk for the past several months just trying to “stay afloat” in times of stress. Though Abby’s pickle dip is something I’ll never turn down. You should try it.
Now, it’s time to get back to my wacky ways of proteins, nuts, seeds, green vegetable goodness, and actually a bit less fruit. I’ve decided to give protein powders a go again, as I have found I just can’t eat enough meat to satisfy my protein needs. Meh, I kind of like protein powders as my sweet treat during the day (minus the real sweets and added-filler-junk) and I’m not a huge fan of meat anyway.
I’ll be checking in from time to time, as we’re still adjusting to the new schedules and still more changes yet to come. I’m optimistic (me? yes…) and I’m looking forward to getting back in the game of my profession as well as my passions with running, healthy eating… and maybe even a bit of photography tossed in here.
What changes are you afraid of? What fears are driving you?
– kate –