I’ve been running over a month now and it feels amazing. It’s like I’m whole again. I’m 12 for 12 runs and ahead by a few days!
Thought it’s not been without anxiety. I found before almost every run I’d become anxious and nervous before setting out.
In a paralyzing way it almost derailed my return.
I read a few articles online about these weird feelings as I have never had such anxiety about running before. Sure, at times I’d dread another run on the schedule after having a bad one, but never a constant thought all day about the run ahead. I felt it all day long even on rest days.
I learned that it’s normal to feel that way to a certain extent, but what I was feeling was a bit more than normal. I’m overweight and very out of shape, so that made me feel nervous just thinking about running.
Running is hard, add extra weight and it’s even harder.
After reading a few articles I tried to reframe running in my mind. I reminded myself that I do it for fun and sanity. In addition, I can always walk if I want to.
Just taking it one run at a time made it all get a little easier.
After each run I remind myself how easy that run just was which has helped me get psyched for the next one.
Now I’m not without nerves before a run, but I am feeling more confident that my body once again will be able to complete a 5k or more in the near future.
Instead of running in the mornings, I’ve taken to evening runs after the baby Crab hits the hay. I will have to have this type of schedule when school returns in the fall, so I decided I’m better off building that end of the day willpower than running mornings and having to switch. I’m no longer a 5am runner, mainly because my kids get up at 5am and it just doesn’t work. Evenings around 7pm have worked best, indoors or out.
I haven’t done a nonstop run in probably a year or two (it feels like), because I was following a run-walk-run program by Jeff Galloway. That program was great, but I think I was disheartened by my lack of progress on shorter runs. It is definitely a method I’ll use when I reach longer distances, as it worked beautifully for double-digit long runs.
Now that I’m using the Fitness22 apps, in another two weeks I’ll be nonstop running the 5k distance again. It makes me nervous to be without a break in running, but excited at the same time to feel like a my normal runner self again.
My journey with running has never been so fraught with ups and downs as it has been since having Monkey over 5 years ago and adding Crab almost 2 years ago. I’m ready to get off the rollercoaster and run off into the sunset regularly.
Sadly, or not so sadly, I believe my return to instagram and keeping tabs on my favorite runners has spurred my motivation and confidence in running again. I may have allowed myself to get sucked back in, somewhat, but I am enjoying sharing my runs there and reading other’s stories.
Partner running with tracking my food again on MyFitnessPal and I’m doing well. I finally feel dedicated to making myself a priority especially when it comes to running and losing this added weight. I’ve got about 30lbs to lose and will be tracking my progress on Instagram.
Here’s to reaching a little further than I have been physically and mentally.